Wednesday, November 08, 2006
My Little Miracle
Worry is a sin. When I first heard this statement, I got defensive. How could God be displeased if you are worried about someone you love? or a situation you are passionate about? or even someone's salvation? That didn't make sense to me...at first.Then God allowed me to go through a trial so that I would understand why worry is a sin.
When I was 6 months pregnant, I went for a routine check up. During the exam the Dr was listening to the baby's heartbeat and heard a cardiac arrythmia. We walked over to the ultrasound room and she called in another doctor to give a 2nd opinion. They both saw where the baby's heart was not beating a normal beat. They were both concerned which really got me worried. They referred me to the Medical University of South Carolina for a cardiac ultrasound. The appointment was made one week from that day. I asked the 2 doctors if there was anything I need to do in that week to keep the baby safe. Should I avoid sugar? avoid caffeine? sleep differently? keep my heart rate dow? drink more water? eat less gassy foods? I knew there was something I could do to control the outcome of this problem. Then the doctor said the words that I never thought I wanted to hear, "There is nothing you can do". What?? Does she not know me? I can do anything I set my mind to, that is what I was always told. That is what I always did. I didn't need help. I can do it...right? "No, really, she said, there is nothing you can do". After the appointment I could not breathe. Thank God Jeremiah was at the appointment because I would not have been able to drive home. That week was the longest week ever! I did some research on this problem, the baby may need a pace maker or medication, or who knows?? Then as we always do in times of desperation I turned to God. I began by asking why? then I asked what I should do to keep this baby from being sick? after I was done I felt empty and I now know it is because I went to God with my plan instead of seeking His will. I went to church that Sunday and honestly I don't know what the sermon was on, but I do know that we sang I Surrender All and that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the test that God allowed me to go through. This pregnancy was so precious to me and God knew that if I could trust Him through this then I would really learn to surrender all. I prayed that night, but much differently than I had ever prayed before. I REALLY gave the situation with my unborn child to God and asked Him to heal her according to His will and whatever the outcome I will give Him the glory. I learned that night the definition of worry. To worry means that you do not have faith that God will take care of the situation. To worry means you don't believe in God's plan. How insulting that must be to God? But He is so forgiving and merciful.
When we went to the cardiac specialist they spent about 45 minutes with the ultrasound and the Doppler and they looked at me and said " your baby girl has a perfect little heart". And when she was born I asked them to double check her heart and twice they told me that it was perfectly normal. I know that God used my pregnancy to draw me closer to Him. And I am so grateful for that.
So that is why I understand worry to be a sin. It is a common struggle I go through because I tend to get into the " I can handle it" Super-Mom mode. But I have no doubt that if we, as my dear friend Lori puts it, Let Go and Let God, the outcome will be better than if we tried to handle it on our own.
| posted by Jessica at 7:23 AM
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Lori had this to say:
What an awesome blog!! My eyes are full of tears... but at least I'm not at work. :)
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Carla had this to say:
wow, I didn't really know about that Jessica. I can't imagine what that must have been like. Thank God she is such a beautiful healthy little girl...HE must have big plans for her life! :)
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Angie had this to say:
What a tear-jerker! It is ammazing how God can turn situations like that into learning experiences for us Christians. Even if things would have turned out differently, I am sure that He would have given you the faith you needed to get through it! You are that kind of person and He is that kind of God!
Love ya!
